Wine Tasting Faux Pas: Avoiding the Amateur Move
Tasting wine can be a formal affair. Like many other pretentious situations, there are unspoken rules that should govern your behavior. From time to time, you may find yourself in a situation where it’s important to taste wine like gentleman (or gentlewoman). When confronted with this situation, there are certain things that you should definitely NOT DO.
Drinking three quarters of an expensive bottle at a restaurant and then sending it back claiming it was “disappointing”
Although this may seem like a good idea on the surface, it’s not the best way to impress a date. If you insist on being a jackass, try the wine with your waiter, immediate send it back, and as the waiter walks away, say ‘that wine was corked’ (even if it wasn’t).
Opening a bottle of champagne with a sword and slicing your arm
Although this may never happen to you, it’s common for blowhards to try to open a bottle of champagne with a sword. Unless you are Chuck Norris or a ninja, do not try this. Chances are that you’ll miss the top of the bottle and slice your arm or someone around you.
Wearing white clothing to a red wine tasting
Although you might look good in your favorite white shirt, it’s never a good idea to wear it to a wine tasting. Red wine seems to have an unnatural affinity to white clothing. You can never spill a drop of wine in your life, then as soon as you wear a white shirt, game over.
Serving wine in plastic cups
People, red solo cups are not wine glasses. There are only a few acceptable situations to drink wine from plastic cups, and they are as follows:- If you are wearing a wifebeater and watching NASCAR with the in laws
- If you are drinking fuzzy navel or any other wine cooler
- If the only alternative is hoisting the box over your head and pouring the wine into your mouth
Opening a bottle of champagne and hitting your guest in the eye with the cork
There’s no better way to ruin a romantic situation than by permanently blinding your date with a champagne cork. Decorum dictates that you hold the cork as you open the champagne, but if you insist on shooting it like a gun, aim it away from your guests. The only time it’s acceptable is during pirate themed tastings, and your guests are wearing protective eye patches.
Drinking out of the spit bucket
The ‘spit bucket’ usually contains a mixture of several different wines, saliva and small particles of food that were trapped in people’s mouths. They are predominately used as receptacles for wine and spit, but on occasion, are consumed by a drunken idiot. Please don’t be that guy. If you are in a social wine tasting situation, drinking out of the spit bucket is a definite no no.
Sneezing with wine in your mouth
Spraying wine all over the person pouring for you is not exactly an act of class and grace. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, and if you have a tendency to sneeze, make sure you do it when wine is not in your mouth. The same thing can also happen from a gag reflex, if you take a big sip and try to breathe at the same time. The worst is when you are standing in a group and the spray hits multiple people.
There are many other wine tasting faux pas that can make you look like an idiot. But if you avoid the worst ones, everything will probably work out fine. Make sure to be aware of your surroundings, and if all possible, spit.
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